I'm Home

Dear diary, it's almost 4pm in the evening and I haven't even take my bath yet. Geezzz..I fell asleep after performing the Subuh prayer. I guess it's because I slept quite late last night. Me, mum and Syahmi went to the hospital in Kajang visiting my brother who was admitted there after an operation. The room is exclusive as it's a private hospital. It's nice. After that we went to a restaurant we usually went to for some meal. I just took a hot horlick and oh dear..it's way toooo sweettt. By the time we almost finished our meal, I saw a friend from primary school, Salmi Suhana who was also my classmate during standard six, with her two little sisters. It's wonderful knowing that some of my old friends are still staying here in Bangi. She told me about seeing our twin friends, Laila and Laily who (if I remember correctly) also still here in Bangi. It feels at home..yeah...it feels at home..:-)

The day before I went to FRIM to attend the work evaluation which also known as SKT (termed formally used for the government servant's work evaluation), I happened to get the chance meeting a good friend of mine, Apai. I was so happy receiving his text saying that he happened to be free that week. That time, since both of us haven't took our lunch yet, we decided to meet up and up-date our story. Apai took me to the restaurant near my place. A restaurant we went to after attending for a job interview at my previous work place. I remember sharing with him my private stories after attending the interview. Story which happened during our struggles earning the Bachelor Degree at UKM and I was only able to tell him by the time we already work for our second degree. Thanks Apai, you really are a good friend..:-). 

I am grateful to Him for fulfilling my prayer of wanting to pursue my study here in my beloved university. It's gonna be a new journey which I have already started. There are still puzzle pieces to be completed, yet I pray for the best. I asked a friend who is about to finish her study of her feelings about it. And she says..it still a process for her. Yeah..I really do get that. Baby steps dear..baby steps..:-). I took the time to meet my new friends and my new research team members. I am happy. It's interesting getting to know new people, new characters. It can be hard yet I hope this time, things will be better. I guess it's our way of adapting..isn't it?

I still keep in touch with friends from my previous work place. I am touched receiving a text from Kak Pah and Kak Sue and a phone call from Yasri. I miss them and grateful for getting to know them. Sometimes..we might not contact those people..anyone..we met in life..yet it doesn't mean they are forgotten. We might feel like we are being forgotten, maybe just maybe we should just be positive about it. It is something that I am myself trying to understand. Why is it that I feel so afraid (sometimes) to let people to reach out to me? Funny..I guess there are times when I just need to be with myself. Me and Him..just to understand and think things over..I guess..true friends will understand..:-)

I am moving on, step by step. I make time to text a friend or maybe a phone call or meeting up. I make time for my beloved ones. I make time to do simple things I enjoy doing. I let go of the past and cherish good moments. I pray for the best from Him all the time. Simple good deeds does make a big difference. And yes..you right, Apai. Here in Bangi, there really is a feeling of being at home..:-)

Friends..come and go..

Dear diary, it's public holiday today and currently it's raining. Well, not exactly. It has stopped somehow. I went to UKM in the morning meeting a senior, Dr Parvis who I met and went to UM with together with our other friend, Mandy. I wish to learn the techniques on how to do the DNA extraction. By 9 am when I arrived at the lab 4183, Dr Parvis was already there. We waited for an undergraduate student, Azreen as she was the one who will be doing this technique for her final year project. As she arrived, I tagged along them and see how things work.

Along the way, I miss it. I miss the time when I was working at MGI with the undergraduate students. It was quite chaos for me as I was already packed with my abundance of workload. Mei Perng was there with me helping me to work things out. When I was crying, I remember Mei Perng and Sri were there comforting me. That time was hard, yet, I miss it somehow. I miss my friends. I miss the feelings of working with my friends. When Mei Perng leaved for another project, I felt the emptiness not seeing her at her usual place. And when I started working with the undergraduate students without her, they become my friends. Izazy and Khuzaimah from the EST group while another three students from the Gene group (I've forgotten some of their names). I tried to work with them as a team. And I enjoyed it. I hope they enjoyed working with me too. 

When Sri and Latifah were also decided to leave as well, oh dear..it felt so empty. I started to spend most my time doing analysis at home. Later, I was informed that Izazy and another girl, Fazilah (who are currently my close friends, even though we don't see each other right now) will be continuing their study. I was so excited. It was fun. Somehow, we got along well. And they even took their effort to spend some money buying me a beautiful flower during my convocation. I even become friends with Izazy's sister, Jannah. 

Currently, Izazy and Jannah are finishing their study and Ila currently working at Klang. I miss them so much. I do realize that friends do come and go. Someone was considering me as loyal blog reader. Why is it that it makes me feel sooo uncomfortable. Furthermore, it's a he, a guy. I'm not sure if I'm a loyal friend because there are some "friends", even after years of being friends, in the end..the chemistry just...I don't know..different. Sometimes, I have to admit it even though it might hurt someone's feelings. Yeah...people change..friends..do come and go..I am grateful and lucky for still having those who are loyal yet..there are parts that I have to admit that..the chemistry or the trust..is just not the same anymore..probably due to some circumstances..I appreciate new friends into my life and still remember the old ones. I guess..this is life..:-)

I do enjoy the learning with Dr Parvis and Azreen in the morning. I get back home by 12pm. My family are having a holiday at Port Dickson and I'm here writing a new post. For the moment I feel like wanting my blog to be in private. Just doesn't feel like letting people read what I want to say or express. Later..:-)

Moving on

Dear diary, it's Saturday night. I'm here sitting in the ironing room and writing up for the next post. I went out starting in the morning attending the second class of the Financial Blueprint at Subang Jaya. I had a little headache since I didn't have a goodnight sleep last night. I don't know, I was just suddenly feel asleep with the lap top still on and the Super Junior song, "Hate You, Love You" still playing. I can't remember what time exactly I woke up but it was in the middle of night when I shut down the computer. I've been playing this song over and over again since I watch them performing in the DVD Super Show 3 in Yokohama. Kyuhyun~ah..:-).

I met two friends I made friends with in the first class (Errk, I forgot to ask their name) and sat with them again. It's nice. I am pretty sure that our age gap is quite big, yet we can still talk about ourselves. One of them who is being a wonderful housewife has a twin sons. How nice..I like twins. Don't know why. Probably being influenced by one of the American Family Series or the famous twin sisters, Ashley and Mary-Kate or my favorite twin brothers in Disney Channel Original Series, Zack and Cody (aaaahhh...I miss watching them).  When the seminar starts, I was concentrating even with a little headache. As the lectures went on and on..the headache started getting worse. When the-man-in-charge had us all watching videos, some of us did feel asleep including me..:-). Aaahhh...I just don't know how many percent of the information absorbed in my so-called-brain.

As the class finished for the day, I hurried to my car and headed to UPM. I texted a good friend of mine about meeting her. This coming Wednesday, I'll be having a workshop in UPM and I guess I am killing two birds with one stone where I can meet her and at the same time asked her the direction to the Lecture Hall. And...I guess it wasn't my lucky day when I entered through the usual entrance, it was jammed..Aaarghhh..what the?!@#$%. But in the end, I did find and arrived in one piece at the hostel she lives in. Then...we went straight to Alamanda...:-). Farah dear..thanks so much for listening to all those craps of mine while we were on the way. I just couldn't help it! 

We couldn't find a place to park the car until we arrived at the roof top. Huuhhh..it was hot. We get ourselves something to eat and then just hang out. I'm saving up money, so..just releasing my stress and spend quality time there. It does feel good. On the way back, we continued our conversation and finding our way to the Faculty of Agriculture (the Faculty I'll be having my workshop at). It was raining not so heavily and while arriving at her hostel I saw some carnival going on there and dropped by for a while (missing University's life). 

After saying goodbye and promise to keep in touch, I went straight home. It does makes me feel better after meeting and talking and sharing with a good friend. Sometimes, it is just necessary. I got exploded sometimes for keeping it all in. Some things never change, at least the burden is released. Life has to move on. Blaming others or myself won't solve the problem. I should just focus on what's more important. And, pray for His guidance, I guess everything will just come to its place..:-)

He knows best

Dear diary, lately I have the mood to write. Hmm..why eh? We were having Research Meeting today and I came a little late preparing another two plates to run (after you Chin Hong, :-)). I text a friend and a former housemate about meeting her and seating next to her during the meeting. I thought someone else might have taken my seat as I arrived in the auditorium, all the seats seemed to be taken. I didn't even see Azrieda. I just took one chair outside and seat randomly with the other officers. 

I don't really remember but I think, after the briefing itself, it was time to take a break. I looked for Azrieda and fuhh..the seat is still safe and we're gonna be seating together after the break. It's nice that I get to meet up with friends as all the ROs from different division were coming together for the meeting. Husna, Nida, Aisyah, Wani and Nazira. Since we're all from different lab or division, we're rarely got to meet during usual office hours. 

After the break, we have a few presentations from the senior officers to listen to. I was only concentrated on the first two presentations and after that.....:-). I did not sleeping, I was just talking to well..of course Azrieda. While my mind was somewhere else...thinking about something, she suddenly asked me about..something...Haha..funny, as if she reads my mind. I just laughed and be honest about it. 

I didn't expect (honestly), that it's like the time has come for me to think about it seriously. It's not that I never think about it, it's just that, I thought I should focus my mind on what's more important. How can I not think about it. I think...I've been thinking about it since at school. Not that I was too eager, just that when I noticed my friends were having a partner, when we were at school, I was just thinking...why? (or should I call myself stupid for asking that?). Because, they were so much to do during that young age. More than anything, I just feel like..my family are the people I want to spend as much time with even until now (even though I'm getting old). And friends..are like treasure..even if sometimes I did got hurt..

I  received all these critics. There are some people who thinks how pity of myself to have never have a partner before..(that's what I think she might be thinking about me, whether it's true or not, I don't know). Hey..I do have feelings. Was it that pathetic? For those who knows the syariat, they appreciate it. Some friends..consider myself as..demanding..so, you want me to what..? Yeah...whatever. Some, who was just got married, yeah...whatever, I don't even want to bother what you think about me. 

And for those, who is still being a loyal friend, despite all those things..I really appreciate it. Sometimes, I don't even know if my so-called-loyal-friend is truly being loyal. And for those who accepts me as myself, I thank you. I'm tired and wasted energy, thinking about this. I should be grateful and I really am grateful for still being loved by my family and my true and loyal friends. Speaking about friends, I had a wonderful lunch with Dr Shawn Cheng, Dinaiz and Nabilah today eating vegetarian food at a lovely restaurant not far from our work place. Thanks for inviting me, Shawn..:-). 

I do not have the right answer for now. Maybe, there is no right answer for this. I am happy, it doesn't mean I throw that thing away..I do have the effort (for me and for him and mostly Him). It hurts sometimes, yet, I do have Him. He knows best..:-).

Does age really matters?

I am actually in the middle of doing one of the house chores right now. Feeling quite burned up and tired, I'm taking a rest for a while by writing a little bit about what I had in mind. I don't know how to start actually. Cause..I wonder if I might be judged because of it..

Where ever we go, especially to a new place, whether it's new school, a new work place, we'll sure meet new people which come from different background. It's really nice to make new friends, building up new friendship. When we were at school, we meet people of the same age. We called them, our peers. Usually, at this time, we only or most of time spend time with them (our peers). Moving on to the university, we usually happened to meet those from the same age as well. Some of us might have the experience entering the university and end up mixing around with people from different age. As we go along, we enter the working world where we end up mixing around with those who might have been in there for ages while we are just starting. 

I don't know how to express this. It just that, does seniority really matters? Well, I guess to some people the answer is yes. Can we really judge someone based on their age? or maybe their attire? When I first start my first real job, I was shocked with all these questions. Funny, when people judged me according to their own thoughts about myself as if they really know me. Do you? Funny, when they simply judged me while they barely know me. I read a  quote in a book, "We always see people as we are, not as they are". 

When some people, simply compare me to themselves during their young age, I don't know what they had in mind but I just feel like "Why?". Why do you have to compare myself at this time with yourself at your time? If it's necessary, I may understand. But sometimes..why? I appreciate this one story I read in an email. Our life, ourselves shouldn't be decide by other people.But our own self. People can say a lot of things based on their experience, it doesn't mean we have to follow without filtering. God creates each of every one of us with talent. We may be at lost sometimes and it's good seeking for good advice. Yet, I believe each of every one of us has our own way of dealing with things. It's really hard to be a good listener because we always tend to speak more about ourselves rather than listen patiently to what other people have to say..Isn't better if we can first seek to understand to be understood?

I don't know what's the purpose of me writing this. I just feel like it is not fair if we simply judged someone based on what? their age? their look? their attire? I've learnt my lesson. But I've seen so many tend to feel superior because they are older and have the tendency to suppress the young ones. I understand that the young ones should respect the older ones but isn't it nice if we can respect each other as human beings? as a person? I read in someone's twitter that "A person's maturity cannot be judged based on their look". I kind of agree with that. 

I feel sad because..as the most junior worker, there are times when I feel like being treated as if I can't handle things. Being told this and that, simply being judged and being advised as if I didn't know anything about it. I do have my experience too. Sometimes, out of humbleness and respect, I tend to agree and didn't say anything about it even though it does effects how I feel about that person and sometimes, myself. Maybe I should learn to express myself more or maybe not...cause I believe, they will see it for themselves. That way, they can think about it themselves.

A new journey

Dear diary, it's already Friday and I'm here at home writing up my post. My mum is cooking the kitchen and my brother was just getting up from his sleep (dear brother..). I asked Dr Lee yesterday about not coming into the lab today cause I think I'm getting confused and lost here and there about the idea of my project. I've been referring to a few journals and a proposal of my senior and okay...I need to read a real thesis from the previous students and that's what I did in the morning. 

I woke up a little bit late and as usual, I drank some water to detoxify,  taking a bath, have some breakfast (guava fruit and delicious chocolate milk) while watching Super Show 3 at Yokohama. I've been watching this DVD concert over and over again. Oh dear Kyuhyun...I'm so in love..:-). In fact I love all of them..:-)

The weather this morning is nice and calm. It feels like...maybe not like but reminds me of the good weather at Genting Highland (well..Genting Highland is not so cool anymore). At least, it helps to motivate me to read better at the Bilik Sumber. Alhamdulillah, someone do their duty today and it seemed like I was the only students (hehe..student-will-be) in the room. I did find a few thesis which somehow related to my future work and my eyes caught for one author whom a paper I've been referring to. Thank you Allah, even though he's work wasn't similar to mine but the idea is still there. Sadly, we are not allowed to borrow any thesis even if I am registered as a student. Not just yet..And Chin Hong, I did find your thesis..:-)

It feels good to be in there reading and my mind slipped here and there thinking about friends I may be able to meet up after that. I was thinking about having lunch with Emy or Ida. But then, I feel like visiting the Green House and I think of Dayah. I text her about that and Alhamdulillah, she could spare sometime. We met at FST cafe, having lunch together along with her friend, Farhana and she accompanied me to pay a visit the the Makmal Biologi Tumbuhan. She even gave me a ride. Thanks dear..:-). Dear Allah..help me to prepare myslef for this new journey as a postgraduate student at UKM (..hehe..again..). Please make ease for the journey. Help me to make friends with good people to get through this. Amin..:-)

I do have some plan for this evening. I guess I'm gonna try to look at the proposal again and see if anymore idea is coming and I will probably be going to Alamanda to get myself some stuff. Hope I can still some time for exercise and tomorrow..I'll be going for a Seminar. Hope to learn something from the expert..:-). Until then..

Bermujahadahlah..

It's Friday afternoon and guess where I am? In....my....BEDROOM! Yeehaaa..writing up here in my blog in my bedroom..heaven man..Seronok sangat lepak-lepak dalam bilik sendiri in the weekday. I didn't take any leave today, as I did went to the lab in the morning to finish the purification work then I rush to get back here as I plan to go to Bilik Sumber, Faculty Science and Technology, UKM. I do hope that someone will do their duty today as it's pretty hard for me to this rushing thing all the time. Sometimes, I do feel like being in the rat race (as my dad always says). I plan to take a look for previous thesis which might help me to write more on my proposal. Dear Allah, do help me..:-)

I don't know why. This is the second time I had this feeling. It's not a good feeling. I know..and I appreciate it when people turn their way in for the better. Trying to become a better muslim, trying to become a better woman, trying to become better in whatever their had set their mind to. I want to become a better person too. A better Allah's servant, a better muslimah, a better daughter, sister, scientist, friend. I remember Saidina Ali's sayings "Rugilah orang yang hari ini sama dengan hari semalam". Kalau boleh, mestilah nak sentiasa lebih baik dari semalam. In everything..our attitude, the way we talk to people, how grateful we are, how do we talk to our parents, how do we treat people around us, our ibadat to Him. 

It's just that sometimes, I was wondering how sincere we are in doing that? It is best if we could purify our heart and think of only good thoughts. Berbaik sangka..It is hard. It is so easy to cover our aurat, but it is so hard to purify out heart into doing it for the sake of only Him. It was hard for me myself to really cover myself according to syariat. I force myself. Sometimes..it takes an x-factor to do that. I guess realizing that as times goes by I no longer a little girl who sometimes (or maybe most of the times) do as she pleases,  I am becoming a woman. One day, I will get married (kalau bertemu jodoh, insyaAllah) and I do not expect my future husband to see me as I was before. A naughty little girl (or he might love me because of that, haha). And most of all, I am a muslim woman. I live according to the syariat I've been believing since before I was born in this world. I've been forgetting it somewhere along the way. But the point is, didn't we do all that for Him? 

When I was at school, after solat Jemaah at Asrama Puteri, one of the student always mentioned about "Saya lakukan ini kerana Allah". That time, I was wondering and kept wondering, what exactly she meant. Up until now, I believe I am still trying to understand, how is it really feel when you do what you do and you know that you do it because of Him? I keep reading and researching, attend Majlis Ilmu. And...it helps. Along the way, I started to understand. Yet, I still need to keep on learning. Maybe, what I feel (as I mentioned above) is His way of telling me to be persevere and remind me if I really do it for the sake of Him. He knows best even though I have my own desire. Yupe, He knows best..

Sometimes..I feel like being in a competition where everyone wants to become better. But, at least do not condemn others who are still trying (I remind myself about this). At least, do not condemn other people if we are trying to be better because the others might be struggling harder than we are and maybe one day that person will become way better than us. Everyone is trying to make themselves a better person (or maybe not). And, it makes me wonder if I really do it for the better of myself and mostly because of Him. I do feel at lost sometimes..I guess this is what we call bermujahadah. When we do good things..there will surely ada suara-suara sumbang yang akan menjatuhkan semangat kita. Well..bermujahadahlah..He will surely help us. Purify our hearts..and I think it is all that matters..:-)..Right..:-)

Story on Sunday

It's Sunday and I believe I did use up the time wisely. Waking up in the morning, I did feel a little bit down. I know why. It's just that I don't feel like writing up about it in here. It's just complicated. Or maybe I am the one who got up all confused with all those thoughts and emotions. Trying to find the strength I made up my mind to go to Surau An-Nur for Kuliah Wanita organised every Sunday morning. I rarely made it lately due to the abundance of house chores. I took my bath and dressed up and figured that mum wanted to go to the Kuliah as well. It's whether I go there alone, with Yanti or with mum. 

There weren't so many of us came cause probably people were still enjoying their Raya. Ustaz Mokhtar was lecturing us on ways to get close to Him. Along the way, I do feel like drifting away from Him. At least, by attending Kuliah I somehow will be reminded of the realities and true purpose of living. In the end, only Him can help me and us to get through all the hardships, obstacles we're going through, clear our minds and purify our hearts. 

After the Kuliah, me and mum went straight to PKNS Bangi to get ourselves something to eat. We talked about something that bothers me. I rarely talked about it with mum. Even lately, since I rarely got time to meet my friends, most of the things just got bottled up in my heart. Yet, I am being grateful that despite the fact that I was busy and got all caught up with duties and responsibilities, I did met a few person at FRIM whom I can share my feelings with. Thanks Allah. And to Him I mostly grateful for always being there to always listens to me even though sometimes I can hardly express how I feel. I know that He knows.

By the end of this month, I've completed of one year contract serving the government as a Research Officer in the Genetic Lab, FRIM. Another two months to go and I'll be going back to my beloved university to pursue my dream for a higher degree. After all those conflicts, Allah finally shows me the way. Thank you, Allah. Please help me to persevere all the way for I have chosen this path. Not to be known or whatever reason I may be doing it for. Please help me to purify my heart that I chose this path because of You. So that whenever it gets dark and cloudy, I will still holding on to You believing that You will help me to get through. 

For the time being, I just want to give and serve the best I can while still can in the Genetic Lab. I am grateful for being given an opportunity to meet such a great scientists. I've learn so much about the world of Genetic (well, maybe not everything to know cause there are always so many things to learn). And, I've learn so much about life as well. And still, there are just so much learn. May the time given being use for the right purpose.

I have two days (Monday and Tuesday) to complete some of the task given and I'll be going for a retreat at Cameron Highland for three days after that. And the week after I hope that I am ready for more discussion with my supervisor. Please make ease of it all, Allah..:-)

A long day

Dear diary, it's already 1 am in the morning. I had a long day today in the lab even though it's Saturday. I just couldn't help it. I just want to finish the task given to me systematically. My work place is one hour away from home yet I made up my mind to just do it!. I didn't expect that I'll be back home late in the evening. Fuhh...I was thinking of going to the lab tomorrow as well but then I just want to spend some quality time at home with my beloved family. 

Lots and lots of things in my mind. I wish I could let the whole world know how I feel. Why eh? Why?! Why do we have to hurt each others feelings? Why eh? Why couldn't we just try to respect our differences? People are unique man..each of everyone of us. Why can't we just respect and be a good listener? Why do we have to back-stabbed each other? Among us...among the muslimahs? I see that even the non-muslims can work things out harmoniously. I just don't get it!

Who am I to say all these things. I'm just a woman who tries so hard to improve herself. I made mistakes and I learn from them. I ask for forgiveness and I forgive. I pray that I did all that for the sake of Him. Dear Allah, please help me to always persevere to purify my heart for the sake of You. Most of the time, maybe I just feel like I am not strong enough. Help me to think of only good thoughts...

Doa Nabi Daud A.S

" Ya Allah, kurniakanlah daku perasaan cinta kepada-Mu, Dan cinta kepada orang yang mengasihi-Mu, Dan apa sahaja yang membawa daku menghampiri cinta-Mu. Jadikanlah cinta-Mu itu lebih aku hargai daripada air sejuk bagi orang yang kehausan, Ya Allah, sesungguhnya aku memohon cinta-Mu, Dan cinta orang yang mencintai-Mu serta cinta yang dapat mendekatkan aku kepada cintaMu,

Ya Allah, apa sahaja yang Engkau anugerahkan kepadaku daripada apa yang aku cintai, Maka jadikanlah ia kekuatan untukku mencintai apa yang Engkau cintai. Dan apa sahaja yang Engkau singkirkan daripada apa yang aku cintai, Maka jadikanlah ia keredaan untukku dalam mencintai apa yang Engkau cintai, Ya Allah, jadikanlah cinta-Mu sesuatu yang paling aku cintai daripada cintaku kepada keluargaku, hartaku dan air sejuk pada saat kehausan.

Ya Allah, jadikanlah aku mencintai-Mu, mencintai malaikat-Mu, Rasul-Mu dan hamba-Mu yang soleh, Ya Allah, hidupkanlah hatiku dengan cinta-Mu dan jadikanlah aku bagi-Mu seperti apa yang Engkau cintai, Ya Allah, jadikanlah aku mencintai-Mu dengan segenap cintaku dan seluruh usahaku demi keredhaan-Mu. "

Who Knows..

Dear diary, erkk..we're heading fastly to the end of the year of 2012. Time flies by and there were just so many things I went through. All the conflicts, challenges, struggles of emotions, cries and laughter. The colors of life eh..kalau nak cerita terlalu banyak. Sedar tak sedar, tinggal lebih kurang seminggu je lagi nak fly g Korea. Funny, nak pergi hanya beberapa hari, tapi konfliknya punyalah pelbagai. Mana taknya, suka-hati aku je belasah nak join orang yang sendiri pun tak berapa nak kenal sangat. Memang lah peminat kumpulan Devotees, tapi tak ke haru-biru gamble join Halim macam lah kenal sangat kan..Saya pun tak faham dengan tindakan sendiri. Super Junior punya pasal lah ni...:-)

I'm thanking Allah atas nikmat ketenangan yang diberi olehNya ni. Yupe, sebelum-sebelum ni rasanya berjuraian air mata setiap kali solat dan berdoa kepadaNya. Mungkin itu yang Dia nak. Dia nak dengar rintihan saya. Dia rindu nak dengar suara saya. I miss talking to you too, Allah. Who am I..hanya seorang hambaMu yang serba hina. Allah bagi kita ujian, then Dia juga yang akan tolong selesaikan. Best kan..tugas kita hanya meletakkan sepenuhnya pergantungan hanya kepadaNya. Tu pun kekadang susah sangat nak buat. Mengadulah..merintihlah..menangislah..merayulah..Dia pasti mendengar, Dia pasti menolong, mungkin cepat..mungkin lambat..

Bersabarlah wahai diriku..kerana Allah sentiasa bersamamu. Have faith in him..alright..Dear Allah, I'm sorry for the times I forgot..all the times I trust others more than you..all the times when my heart wasn't purified for the sake of only YOU. Esok akan ada jamuan Hari Raya di FRIM. Try to enjoy the moment I had at FRIM right now. Because after this..tak tau pun akan tercampak kat mana pulak. Niat untuk meneruskan pengajian dan cita-cita menyambung pelajaran di UKM nampaknya tak dapat diteruskan. It's okay, I believe it's for the best anyway. Saya akan berikan yang terbaik untuk temuduga pada 12hb ni. Dan akan enjoy and appreciate masa berbaki yang ada untuk saya nikmati di Korea nanti. 

Masih jauh perjalanan untuk saya tempuhi. Cita-cita yang menggunung untuk menjadi seorang Dr. And tentang jodoh...Thanks to Ustazah Fatimah Syarha, your stories has been a great guidance to me. I may not be a good woman as people might judge me to be. But all the time, I try to be. For the sake of Him and my loved ones. And the prince charming might just reveal himself. Who knows...:-)

Gotong-royong at Biotechnology Building and Genetic Lab

It has been a real long time huh...yeah..I've been so caught up with my task, duties and responsibilities. As Allah's servant, a daughter, a scientist. I guess I somehow have forgotten that I have a duty to myself. Yeah..I do hope I took care of myself finely. Hey buddy..I am so sorry if I haven't.

For some reason, today's event make me feel different. I like that feeling. It should be almost five months I became part of FRIM family, specifically genetic lab new family member. The ups and downs, the difficulties, the challenges, the emotional struggles...I guess I have overcome them..mostly..I am going home EVERY SINGLE DAY. Seeing my beloved parents and siblings and I mostly not forgetting you, my dear Willy (my house cat). It helps a lot to get to see my beloved ones. Dear Allah..thank you...I will treasure this opportunity you've given me. I miss my friends..and yes..I did get to see them once in a while..love you guys, :-). Always..

Yeah..back to today's event where our family in the Biotechnology Building has picked today to complete our task cleaning up the area around our work place and my family in the genetic lab picked today as well to do some more clean up in our lab. They already done the first clean up last week where I was at Bangi attending a special training at my beloved Bangi to build up my skill as a server moderator. Yeah..I've been busy this week catching up all the work left behind and Alhamdulillah, I get to finish all the needed ones this morning.

We, the genetic lab member clean up area was the pool..kind of fun..I mean..this time around the people were wearing informal attire and I get to see people in a different view. More of like a normal human being..rather than a scientist..Seeing them as they are rather than what they are. I don't know..I always love and miss my friends back at Bangi. Still, it's not harmful to make new friends here.Yupe, it was hard at first. I guess as time goes by..we'll just get to know each other..I need to leave my friends behind to realize how much I treasure them.

I am facing a situation where I have to make a choice right now..my heart still not sure which one should be the best..Allah, please guide me..only YOU know best how I feel..

Oh dear, I guess I should be going..got some plan with Farah..:-)

Happy New Year

"The New Beginning", I picked this name which I hope it is simple enough to remind me that everyday, every single day is a new beginning for me to always and always make the best out of myself. It's already 2012, a very new year to us all. I haven't specifically decide or list out all the things, plans and hopes for this new year. Well, what I really see is that I will be going to Korea together with my mum and a number of unknown people (which I hope will become my friends later on) for a what we call as Backpackers Trip organized specially by Abd Halim Ahmad, :-). 

Last year was pretty rough, interesting, challenging, exciting. In Yanti's blog she listed out interesting things that happened in every month last year. She even include my name in it, :-) (thanks Babe). Maybe I can do that too. But yeah..don't feel like writing up too much right now since I am in the lab. I am thanking Allah for helping me out to get use to my new life here at FRIM. Sometimes we just never know how Allah makes things works for us. He really-really-really appreciates it when we depend on Him and only Him. It sure takes patient and humbleness for us to see all that. And for that He sure gives us pahala. Thank you, Allah, :-).

I am thanking you Allah, for choosing me to be part of the Genetic Lab family member here at the Forestry Biotechnology Division. Yupe, I was struggling so hard to accept the fact that my working place is one hour away from home. Just one hour away yet can be so hard for me. I miss UKM so much and all my friends there. And yes, we will surely be apart one day and the time has come for me. As long as we keep each other in our heart, our friendship will of course last forever. 

I am pretty sure that most people or maybe some people or just maybe a few people has listed out whatever it is that they want to achieve this year. Dad has told me so many times to do that picture thingy books of what I want in my life. Dad…I already have them here in my mind..Okay, I know it will be helpful (in fact so helpful) for me to do that but aaa..I don’t know why..I prefer to stick with my way of just doing simple mind map of my life. Just a simple one would be just fine and I already did it. Sorry dad…

Oh well, I’m leaving now. Happy New Year!