Story on Sunday

It's Sunday and I believe I did use up the time wisely. Waking up in the morning, I did feel a little bit down. I know why. It's just that I don't feel like writing up about it in here. It's just complicated. Or maybe I am the one who got up all confused with all those thoughts and emotions. Trying to find the strength I made up my mind to go to Surau An-Nur for Kuliah Wanita organised every Sunday morning. I rarely made it lately due to the abundance of house chores. I took my bath and dressed up and figured that mum wanted to go to the Kuliah as well. It's whether I go there alone, with Yanti or with mum. 

There weren't so many of us came cause probably people were still enjoying their Raya. Ustaz Mokhtar was lecturing us on ways to get close to Him. Along the way, I do feel like drifting away from Him. At least, by attending Kuliah I somehow will be reminded of the realities and true purpose of living. In the end, only Him can help me and us to get through all the hardships, obstacles we're going through, clear our minds and purify our hearts. 

After the Kuliah, me and mum went straight to PKNS Bangi to get ourselves something to eat. We talked about something that bothers me. I rarely talked about it with mum. Even lately, since I rarely got time to meet my friends, most of the things just got bottled up in my heart. Yet, I am being grateful that despite the fact that I was busy and got all caught up with duties and responsibilities, I did met a few person at FRIM whom I can share my feelings with. Thanks Allah. And to Him I mostly grateful for always being there to always listens to me even though sometimes I can hardly express how I feel. I know that He knows.

By the end of this month, I've completed of one year contract serving the government as a Research Officer in the Genetic Lab, FRIM. Another two months to go and I'll be going back to my beloved university to pursue my dream for a higher degree. After all those conflicts, Allah finally shows me the way. Thank you, Allah. Please help me to persevere all the way for I have chosen this path. Not to be known or whatever reason I may be doing it for. Please help me to purify my heart that I chose this path because of You. So that whenever it gets dark and cloudy, I will still holding on to You believing that You will help me to get through. 

For the time being, I just want to give and serve the best I can while still can in the Genetic Lab. I am grateful for being given an opportunity to meet such a great scientists. I've learn so much about the world of Genetic (well, maybe not everything to know cause there are always so many things to learn). And, I've learn so much about life as well. And still, there are just so much learn. May the time given being use for the right purpose.

I have two days (Monday and Tuesday) to complete some of the task given and I'll be going for a retreat at Cameron Highland for three days after that. And the week after I hope that I am ready for more discussion with my supervisor. Please make ease of it all, Allah..:-)

A long day

Dear diary, it's already 1 am in the morning. I had a long day today in the lab even though it's Saturday. I just couldn't help it. I just want to finish the task given to me systematically. My work place is one hour away from home yet I made up my mind to just do it!. I didn't expect that I'll be back home late in the evening. Fuhh...I was thinking of going to the lab tomorrow as well but then I just want to spend some quality time at home with my beloved family. 

Lots and lots of things in my mind. I wish I could let the whole world know how I feel. Why eh? Why?! Why do we have to hurt each others feelings? Why eh? Why couldn't we just try to respect our differences? People are unique man..each of everyone of us. Why can't we just respect and be a good listener? Why do we have to back-stabbed each other? Among us...among the muslimahs? I see that even the non-muslims can work things out harmoniously. I just don't get it!

Who am I to say all these things. I'm just a woman who tries so hard to improve herself. I made mistakes and I learn from them. I ask for forgiveness and I forgive. I pray that I did all that for the sake of Him. Dear Allah, please help me to always persevere to purify my heart for the sake of You. Most of the time, maybe I just feel like I am not strong enough. Help me to think of only good thoughts...

Doa Nabi Daud A.S

" Ya Allah, kurniakanlah daku perasaan cinta kepada-Mu, Dan cinta kepada orang yang mengasihi-Mu, Dan apa sahaja yang membawa daku menghampiri cinta-Mu. Jadikanlah cinta-Mu itu lebih aku hargai daripada air sejuk bagi orang yang kehausan, Ya Allah, sesungguhnya aku memohon cinta-Mu, Dan cinta orang yang mencintai-Mu serta cinta yang dapat mendekatkan aku kepada cintaMu,

Ya Allah, apa sahaja yang Engkau anugerahkan kepadaku daripada apa yang aku cintai, Maka jadikanlah ia kekuatan untukku mencintai apa yang Engkau cintai. Dan apa sahaja yang Engkau singkirkan daripada apa yang aku cintai, Maka jadikanlah ia keredaan untukku dalam mencintai apa yang Engkau cintai, Ya Allah, jadikanlah cinta-Mu sesuatu yang paling aku cintai daripada cintaku kepada keluargaku, hartaku dan air sejuk pada saat kehausan.

Ya Allah, jadikanlah aku mencintai-Mu, mencintai malaikat-Mu, Rasul-Mu dan hamba-Mu yang soleh, Ya Allah, hidupkanlah hatiku dengan cinta-Mu dan jadikanlah aku bagi-Mu seperti apa yang Engkau cintai, Ya Allah, jadikanlah aku mencintai-Mu dengan segenap cintaku dan seluruh usahaku demi keredhaan-Mu. "