He knows best

Dear diary, lately I have the mood to write. Hmm..why eh? We were having Research Meeting today and I came a little late preparing another two plates to run (after you Chin Hong, :-)). I text a friend and a former housemate about meeting her and seating next to her during the meeting. I thought someone else might have taken my seat as I arrived in the auditorium, all the seats seemed to be taken. I didn't even see Azrieda. I just took one chair outside and seat randomly with the other officers. 

I don't really remember but I think, after the briefing itself, it was time to take a break. I looked for Azrieda and fuhh..the seat is still safe and we're gonna be seating together after the break. It's nice that I get to meet up with friends as all the ROs from different division were coming together for the meeting. Husna, Nida, Aisyah, Wani and Nazira. Since we're all from different lab or division, we're rarely got to meet during usual office hours. 

After the break, we have a few presentations from the senior officers to listen to. I was only concentrated on the first two presentations and after that.....:-). I did not sleeping, I was just talking to well..of course Azrieda. While my mind was somewhere else...thinking about something, she suddenly asked me about..something...Haha..funny, as if she reads my mind. I just laughed and be honest about it. 

I didn't expect (honestly), that it's like the time has come for me to think about it seriously. It's not that I never think about it, it's just that, I thought I should focus my mind on what's more important. How can I not think about it. I think...I've been thinking about it since at school. Not that I was too eager, just that when I noticed my friends were having a partner, when we were at school, I was just thinking...why? (or should I call myself stupid for asking that?). Because, they were so much to do during that young age. More than anything, I just feel like..my family are the people I want to spend as much time with even until now (even though I'm getting old). And friends..are like treasure..even if sometimes I did got hurt..

I  received all these critics. There are some people who thinks how pity of myself to have never have a partner before..(that's what I think she might be thinking about me, whether it's true or not, I don't know). Hey..I do have feelings. Was it that pathetic? For those who knows the syariat, they appreciate it. Some friends..consider myself as..demanding..so, you want me to what..? Yeah...whatever. Some, who was just got married, yeah...whatever, I don't even want to bother what you think about me. 

And for those, who is still being a loyal friend, despite all those things..I really appreciate it. Sometimes, I don't even know if my so-called-loyal-friend is truly being loyal. And for those who accepts me as myself, I thank you. I'm tired and wasted energy, thinking about this. I should be grateful and I really am grateful for still being loved by my family and my true and loyal friends. Speaking about friends, I had a wonderful lunch with Dr Shawn Cheng, Dinaiz and Nabilah today eating vegetarian food at a lovely restaurant not far from our work place. Thanks for inviting me, Shawn..:-). 

I do not have the right answer for now. Maybe, there is no right answer for this. I am happy, it doesn't mean I throw that thing away..I do have the effort (for me and for him and mostly Him). It hurts sometimes, yet, I do have Him. He knows best..:-).