Bermujahadahlah..

It's Friday afternoon and guess where I am? In....my....BEDROOM! Yeehaaa..writing up here in my blog in my bedroom..heaven man..Seronok sangat lepak-lepak dalam bilik sendiri in the weekday. I didn't take any leave today, as I did went to the lab in the morning to finish the purification work then I rush to get back here as I plan to go to Bilik Sumber, Faculty Science and Technology, UKM. I do hope that someone will do their duty today as it's pretty hard for me to this rushing thing all the time. Sometimes, I do feel like being in the rat race (as my dad always says). I plan to take a look for previous thesis which might help me to write more on my proposal. Dear Allah, do help me..:-)

I don't know why. This is the second time I had this feeling. It's not a good feeling. I know..and I appreciate it when people turn their way in for the better. Trying to become a better muslim, trying to become a better woman, trying to become better in whatever their had set their mind to. I want to become a better person too. A better Allah's servant, a better muslimah, a better daughter, sister, scientist, friend. I remember Saidina Ali's sayings "Rugilah orang yang hari ini sama dengan hari semalam". Kalau boleh, mestilah nak sentiasa lebih baik dari semalam. In everything..our attitude, the way we talk to people, how grateful we are, how do we talk to our parents, how do we treat people around us, our ibadat to Him. 

It's just that sometimes, I was wondering how sincere we are in doing that? It is best if we could purify our heart and think of only good thoughts. Berbaik sangka..It is hard. It is so easy to cover our aurat, but it is so hard to purify out heart into doing it for the sake of only Him. It was hard for me myself to really cover myself according to syariat. I force myself. Sometimes..it takes an x-factor to do that. I guess realizing that as times goes by I no longer a little girl who sometimes (or maybe most of the times) do as she pleases,  I am becoming a woman. One day, I will get married (kalau bertemu jodoh, insyaAllah) and I do not expect my future husband to see me as I was before. A naughty little girl (or he might love me because of that, haha). And most of all, I am a muslim woman. I live according to the syariat I've been believing since before I was born in this world. I've been forgetting it somewhere along the way. But the point is, didn't we do all that for Him? 

When I was at school, after solat Jemaah at Asrama Puteri, one of the student always mentioned about "Saya lakukan ini kerana Allah". That time, I was wondering and kept wondering, what exactly she meant. Up until now, I believe I am still trying to understand, how is it really feel when you do what you do and you know that you do it because of Him? I keep reading and researching, attend Majlis Ilmu. And...it helps. Along the way, I started to understand. Yet, I still need to keep on learning. Maybe, what I feel (as I mentioned above) is His way of telling me to be persevere and remind me if I really do it for the sake of Him. He knows best even though I have my own desire. Yupe, He knows best..

Sometimes..I feel like being in a competition where everyone wants to become better. But, at least do not condemn others who are still trying (I remind myself about this). At least, do not condemn other people if we are trying to be better because the others might be struggling harder than we are and maybe one day that person will become way better than us. Everyone is trying to make themselves a better person (or maybe not). And, it makes me wonder if I really do it for the better of myself and mostly because of Him. I do feel at lost sometimes..I guess this is what we call bermujahadah. When we do good things..there will surely ada suara-suara sumbang yang akan menjatuhkan semangat kita. Well..bermujahadahlah..He will surely help us. Purify our hearts..and I think it is all that matters..:-)..Right..:-)